Dissertation Diaries: 3 Months to Go

Hello!

Apologies for the lack of entries in my Dissertation Diaries series of posts. I’ve been super busy over Christmas and going into the New Year…just not “busy with dissertation reading or writing” kind of busy.

(You can find out just what I’ve been busy doing in my recent update!)

I’ve had two 2,500 word essays to write over the holidays, so my attention has been (and still is) on them- curse uni and post-Christmas deadlines! This has meant I haven’t concentrated on my dissertation quite as much as I hoped I would.

Starting next week, though, I’ll be focusing more because (if you can’t tell by this entry’s title) my dissertation needs to be done in three months. I’ve been relatively stress free going through uni, minus pre-essay submission panics, but writing a dissertation is actually pretty stressful. My feedback wasn’t too fantastic so, based on that alone, I know a lot of tweaking needs to be done.

I’m not really a resolutions person but, in terms of uni, my aim is to absolutely smash my remaining work, including my dissertation.

It’s scary because I keep doubting myself and my writing, and I love the comfortable bubble of neglecting my uni work and growing as a person. Yet, in doing uni and this final piece, I’m showing how much I’ve grown. I’m no longer the shy shell, used to people not knowing my name. I mean people don’t know my name even now, when I don’t have a smaller, skinnier surname sharer around to confuse people (I still think we look nothing alike) but I’m more confident in myself and- I hope- in 3 months time I’ll be happy for my name to be on this piece of work, showing how much I’ve worked my arse off!

Hello 2019 (a.k.a my return to blogging and a LONG update)

So here we are: 2019.. It’s crazy how fast the years go! As far as last year went (saying ‘last year’ rather than ‘this year’ with regards to 2018 will be a difficult one for me!), it wasn’t a bad year.

I started my third year of uni and, I won’t lie, it wasn’t as easygoing as the two previous years. I was by no means expecting a walk in the park but what I did get was a marathon in the park…except I’ve never been to this park and, even better, it’s pitch black.

(Ah humanities students and their analogies..)

I’ve had a few shocks in terms of results (not that I’ve done badly, just my grades are lower than the previous years and the actual marking process feels harsher) and, I’m not surprised about this one, I found out that writing a dissertation is actually incredibly difficult (apologies for not posting my Dissertation Diaries for a while, I’m in the process of getting my head around it again after some less than pleasing feedback from my advisor- but I will be posting updates throughout 2019 so keep an eye out!). Other than that, though, I remind myself often that I love my course and, in a matter of months it’ll all be over so the main goal uni-wise (other than getting my dissertation and assignments done) is to make my last few months count. It’ll mean studying hard, actually going to the library (not just to enjoy my meal deal and/or bitch about uni or whatever else I can think of with friends) and not letting myself listen to the little voice in the back of my mind that says, every so often, “you can’t do this”. I can and I will.

I also, as people reading this will know, started blogging in August of last year and- honestly- I’m loving it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a few moments were I’ve thought “I’ll never be like x blogger, so what’s the point of blogging?/ I’ll never be as successful as x blogger, so what’s the point of blogging?” but I have ways of getting around those thoughts (which might just be useful for anyone else feeling the same as, honestly, a lot of us bloggers will feel this at some point). All members of the blogging community are different and that’s so cool, just because I’m not like ‘X’ doesn’t make me any less than them (or them any less than me). The point of blogging isn’t to be like an ‘X’, it’s to be YOU. I’m not going to lie, my dream is to be a writer. Full time. So, as much as blogging is me showcasing what I love and little pockets of me on the internet, I’m hoping blogging will open doors for me as a writer.

Through this platform alone, though I’ve encourted loads of amazing bloggers on Twitter,   I’ve found loads of successful bloggers with blogs littered with sponsored posts, reviewing brand-spanking new books and- as much as I’m happy for them- my heart aches. I hate admitting it, but I’m a jealous person. It’s not a trait I’m proud of but some days I can’t escape it, seeing people get to where I want to be makes me want to close my blog, retreat to the safety of my bed and never return. Of course, with it being a new year, I’m hoping blog based jealousy will be a thing of the past. I’m incredibly proud of lovely people, and brilliant writers, getting their chance in such a competitive industry. So, rather than hang up my blogging hat and go full Green Eyed Monster, I’m going to celebrate other people’s achievements, work hard on my own writing and maybe my chance will come. 

As well as this, my ‘love life’ had a upgrade! Followers of the blog will probably have seen the word ‘Date’ dotted around several posts, referring to a guy I’d been seeing since November 2018. Regarding that, I guess I’ll just wait and see what 2019 holds for us, but I’ve really liked going on dates (even if they’ve all involved me talking absolute rubbish, so I sort of feel sorry for the poor guy!) and getting to know someone on a level I wasn’t sure I ever would. As much as I’m thankful for people who’ve stuck around for years, I’m thankful for him because I’ve not met someone who I feel so comfortable in their company for a long time (if he ever reads this I’m going to get so much stick πŸ™„).

(Anyway that cringey bits over)

In terms of 2019, I’m not going to bother with standard resolutions. More often than not, they don’t work. Instead I’m sticking to three things: Be happy, be healthy, be kind. I can’t wait to see what 2019 brings for me (and the blog) and I wish each and every one of you the best 2019.